Stories of Hope
As a child, I received nothing from my alcoholic father but abuse. When he died in a drunk driving accident, I was relieved knowing that my mother’s bloody beatings were over. Despite the abuse, I still longed for my father’s love even though I knew it was too late to ever receive.
I was nine years old at the time of his death which changed my home life drastically. My mother was now free from the daily abuse and she relinquished her parental role as a mother and wanted to become my best friend. This new relationship meant that without protection borders around my life, I was able to stay up as late as I wanted and began new friendships who valued my rebellious lifestyle. At the age of 14, I started selling drugs in school and was out of control. I no longer cared about my education or anyone with authority. My mother even joined me in the partying lifestyle and even introduced me to the local bar scene where we would drink alcohol and would dance with strangers.
At the age of sixteen, I was working in a local bar and returned home drunk at three in the morning. Three hours later, my brother woke me in a panic. He had found our mom dead in the garage. She had committed suicide. I will never forget trying to bring her back to life even though it was too late. I kept screaming, ‘don’t leave me; don’t leave me. Just please, please don’t leave me.’ I could not believe this happened and kept asking myself, “How could this happen to me? How could she just leave me?’ I needed her! I never wanted to lose her!”
From that time forward I dropped out of school and began supporting myself by continuing to work in local bars and restaurants. I was a complete wreck. I looked great on the outside but deep down I was that little tiny girl that did not know what real love was. All I knew was the best way to kill the pain was by medicating it with drugs, alcohol and relationships.
I justified my destructive lifestyle with the best excuses for fifteen more years until a dear friend and business partner saw how broken and desperate I was and encouraged me to get help. Because I respected her and loved her more than I loved myself, her words and love for me captured my attention because it was sincere and I agreed.
I started attending Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) meetings and heard life stories from others which opened my eyes and heart to the devastating truth about my own life. I had to embrace the fact that I was totally alone and had no relatives to help me. I also realized that although I was brought up in church, I did not even have God in my life or know who He was. And that is when I broke. In fact, I lost it! I got down on my knees and cried out to God and said, “If you’re really up there, I need you right now, right now to show up because I’m done!” As I continued to weep out my desperate brokenness, I suddenly felt a warm presence just fall upon me that brought such a strong sense of peace. This warm, and peaceful presence felt as if it was holding me like I was never held before. I did not know what it was and I did not even ask any questions. All I know is that my cry out to God was sincere and He heard me.
The very next day, I began looking for God and started going from church to church of all denominations just wanting to pray. Finally I heard the message of the Gospel and how Jesus died for me and all the things I have done and it was a free gift for those who wanted it! I wanted it! I did not know exactly what it all meant. All I heard was he died for my sins; they are washed away in His blood and he wanted to give me a new life. That was the day I accepted Jesus not only as my Savior, but also my Lord.
I was filled with the Holy Spirit and am so grateful that Jesus died for me. I mess up all the time and yet he still loves me. His loving, forgiving grace is just magnificent because He is not only awesome, but he is also coming back! Rosemary Fisher
Those who share their story are people just like you, who, at one time, felt lost and alone. Yet, their lives turned around by the hope and deliverance they found in Jesus Christ.
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