Stories of Hope
I am adopted and came to my family when I was nine days old. I was raised in a very loving and caring home, but I felt unwanted since my birth mother had relinquished me. I felt there must have been something terribly wrong with me for her to have left me. In my child’s mind, I blamed myself for her leaving, and decided I was not lovable or worthy of anything good. I felt like I belonged nowhere and that people could not be trusted. I did not trust love, because love equaled abandonment. I withdrew inside of myself and decided that I would only depend on myself. I loved my parents but did not allow myself to get close to them. For years I had this pervasive sense of sadness and loneliness inside, but I didn’t know why.
I had thought about my birth family throughout the years, but didn’t search for them until I turned forty. I was starting to awaken to the fact that I had serious post-adoption issues and wanted to find out why I had been given up. I hired a confidential intermediary to attempt to make contact with my birth mother, but she refused contact which devastated me. Her rejection sent me into a wave of anguish and grief unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I was finally grieving the loss of my birth mother which had been repressed for many years. I came to understand that I had lost my other half. I may have been an infant when the loss occurred, but I grew inside her womb for nine months and instinctively knew that she was gone.
I did locate my maternal birth family a couple of years ago, but found rejection once again. I reached out to my four siblings, but three of them refused contact. I had a brief relationship with one of my brothers, but he was not able to handle it, so it did not last. My birth mother died last year refusing to ever meet me, and my other brother, who I never met, died in March of this year. Those rejections hurt me deeply, and I had to grieve those losses. I had to make it through the bad to get to the good. It was not easy, but God helped me survive.
I realize through all the heartache and pain that God has been by my side every step of the way. I am stronger because of what He has taken me through. I feel like a new person with more depth and beauty because of His love for me. Now I realize their rejection of me has nothing to do with who I am. Their rejection is their unwillingness to look back at a time they would rather forget. My heart remains open to them should they ever decide they want a relationship, but it will be up to them to make contact. I will never regret finding them as I found myself—which is the best gift of all. I have developed a wonderful relationship with my birth father’s brother and his wife, and they are incredible blessings in my life. My parents have been very supportive of my reunion with my birth families, and we are much closer now. I do not know where I would be without them.
Through this experience, God has completely transformed my life and I am closer to Him than ever before. I am now studying to become a trauma and attachment therapist to help my fellow adoptees heal from their wounds of relinquishment. With the love and acceptance I found in Christ, I am allowing God to take the deep pain and turn it into a passion to help others find hope and healing.
Those who share their story are people just like you, who, at one time, felt lost and alone. Yet, their lives turned around by the hope and deliverance they found in Jesus Christ.
If you would like to submit a story of hope, contact us
Want to receive more words of encouragement and hope? Sign up today to receive our FREE monthly Newsletters.